light-rail coyote: I have a secret...

we all harbor things. carry things with us. secrets. apologies. often the two are intertwined, woven together with threads of regret. fondly, or not so fondly, remembered with bittersweet pangs of loves/opportunities lost.

secrets and apologies seem to have come up a few times over the past few days. and as i've been hankering for something to blog about, it seemed like a sign.

plastered throughout the union square station were advertisements for "secret" antiperspirant, declaring that all young liberated women share their secret. as though avoiding foul body odor could have an empowering element as well. kitschy, thanks secret. anyways, while stumbling sleepily off the subway most mornings i would see declarations of "i'm ten years younger than i say i am" or "i go through your things when i house-sit." are all secrets bad? i wonder. what is REALLY fascinating is that you can text your messages to "secret" and they scroll across a larger-than-life sign in times square. it doesn't get any more public than that.

then, i was reminded of a particularly poignant piece on "this american life" on national public radio. it's part of the apology project. see www.apologyproject.com . it provided a hotline, aptly named the apology hotline, in which people from around the world could phone in their apologies anonymously. "i'm sorry i broke your heart" "i'm sorry that i never loved you the way you loved me" "i'm sorry i shoplifted" "i really hate your mother" etc. etc. catharsis via anonymous phone calls. brilliant really.

and then this evening. posted on a listserve was the touching http://postsecret.blogspot.com , here people provided their own secrets on postcards. it corresponds to a book available at your not-so-secret barnes and noble or amazon.com.

why do we keep secrets? perhaps we gain something in power by knowing something someone else doesn't know. maybe we are ashamed. maybe we just find it fun or thrilling. maybe we want to save another from hurt. there are probably as many reasons as there are secrets. there is inherently a purpose in either retaining information or expressing it in the form of an apology. it adds to our sense of self and understanding, and also in how others see us. i think the beauty is in knowing when to share...personally...anonymously...intimately...rarely.